Online dating don t put all your eggs in one basket the star


Online dating: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
I understand where Ben is coming from. It probably wouldn’t make Julie (or Rebecca!) feel great to know that Ben was meeting multiple women, so I agree he shouldn’t come out and say that. But at the same time, Ben hasn’t even met either of these women in person yet. And even if his date with Julie goes well, his meeting with Rebecca might go even better.
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Diversifying your dating experiences can actually enhance your self-awareness and self-esteem. Dreamstime/TNS
Ask anyone who has tried it, and they’ll tell you that online dating is a roller-coaster of emotions. When you match with someone and the conversation is flowing, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the potential.
That’s exactly what happened to one of my clients recently – let’s call him Ben. Ben had a first date planned with “Julie” for early in the week, and another first date planned with “Rebecca” for Thursday. He messaged me looking for some advice: “What if things go extremely well between me and Julie and we want to see each other again? I wouldn’t want to tell her I’m unavailable on Thursday because I have a date scheduled with somebody else. In that case, would I just cancel the Thursday date?”
I understand where Ben is coming from. It probably wouldn’t make Julie (or Rebecca!) feel great to know that Ben was meeting multiple women, so I agree he shouldn’t come out and say that. But at the same time, Ben hasn’t even met either of these women in person yet. And even if his date with Julie goes well, his meeting with Rebecca might go even better.
I replied that he should definitely not cancel his date with Rebecca with a reminder that we don’t want to put all our eggs in one basket – and that he can definitely ask Julie out for a second date, just (obviously) not on Thursday.
Putting such high expectations on a first date and already thinking about a potential second date can be exhausting. Instead, you should go into each date with a simple goal: To have a conversation with a new person.
Having multiple dates in a week doesn’t make you selfish or a “player”. You could go on multiple dates with someone over the course of several weeks only to realise that you’re not a fit for each other. In that time, you could have been meeting other people as well. If you have the schedule and energy (which not everyone might have or want to do), it’s perfectly acceptable to meet a number of people and see where those paths lead.
Also, diversifying your dating experiences can actually enhance your self-awareness and self-esteem. With every new person you meet, you gain a better understanding of your own desires, deal-breakers and what truly matters to you in a relationship. It allows you to refine your preferences and become more discerning about what you’re looking for in a partner.
This all, of course, changes when you’ve had a conversation about exclusivity with a partner. If your connection is strong and something you want to explore monogamously, I would recommend communicating this to ensure that you’re both on the same page. You could say something like, “I am really excited about this relationship, and I’d like to focus on exploring it without the distraction of seeing other people. How do you feel about that?”
Making a connection can be exciting, but it’s important not to let potential make you miss an opportunity. The key is having an open mind and not ruling things out until you’re certain.
Just take this story shared by a commenter on my Instagram page: “I had four dates lined up the week I met my girlfriend. One cancelled, two were bad, and the fourth was great. We’ve been together going on four months, and I wouldn’t have met her if I dated just one person at a time.” – Tribune News Service/Erika Ettin
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps others navigate the often intimidating world of online dating.