I did online dating before it was cool and met my husband

I tried online dating in the early 2000s and the first guy I went on a date with is now my husband. But I wouldn t be brave enough to use apps today

While my husband was the only guy from ChristianCafe.com that I went on a date with, his friends at work referred to me as "number six" for quite a while — he'd dated five others from the site before me — until they realized I was girlfriend material.

I tried online dating in the early 2000s and the first guy I went on a date with is now my husband. But I wouldn't be brave enough to use apps today.

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The author and her husband on their 18th wedding anniversary at Disney's Epcot. Courtesy of Terri Peters

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I met my husband on an online dating website in 2003, before internet dating was mainstream.
We texted, then talked on the phone, and finally went on a date — two years later, we were married.
If I was ever single again, I wouldn't feel safe online dating or have the energy for it.

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I often tell people I met my husband online during a time when people feared they'd get ax murdered by the person on the other end of the exchange. It was 2003 and I was 23 years old.

I knew someone who'd met a girl on ChristianCafe.com, an online dating website for Christian singles. I was curious, so I signed up for a free trial to check it out. It ended up changing my life.

At first, I wasn't sure about online dating

The author and her now-husband when they first dated. Courtesy of Terri Peters

The whole thing didn't feel like my scene, and I was more than a little nervous. I let the free trial expire. Then, months later, I received an email in the middle of my workday offering me another 10-day free trial of the site. It was a slow day in the office, so I signed up again; not long after, I received a message from a guy who seemed to share my religious beliefs, have a successful career, and have the ability to string together well-punctuated sentences, something I appreciated as a writer.

Even 20 years later, I remember calling a colleague into my cubicle and saying, "This guy is cute, right? Why would he be online dating? I wonder what's wrong with him." That colleague, who had watched me go through a recent breakup and subsequent glow-up, encouraged me to respond. I was hesitant to do so because there was still such a stigma surrounding online dating. But I did it, even if I worried my friends would think a website was a sketchy or desperate way to meet a guy.

Because our mutual acquaintances vouched for us, we met for dinner

The author and her husband at a restaurant when they were first dating. Courtesy of Terri Peters

What happened next was a series of really comforting coincidences. Through some casual messaging on the website and then texting, we found that we had mutual acquaintances. We checked up on each other with people we both knew, and each of us heard from those people that the other was a safe bet. We started talking on the phone. Eventually, we met for our first date — dinner at an Italian restaurant followed by a walk around our town while we sipped coffee — and the rest was history.

While my husband was the only guy from ChristianCafe.com that I went on a date with, his friends at work referred to me as "number six" for quite a while — he'd dated five others from the site before me — until they realized I was girlfriend material.

I credit a free-trial email with our meeting, but my husband's version of how he ended up on an online dating website went something like this: "I was tired of meeting girls in bars, and I figured I like girls, I like church, and I like computers, maybe this will work."

2 years after our first date, we got married

The author on her wedding day. Courtesy of Terri Peters.

Today, I don't think I'd be brave enough to jump into the complex world of online dating. A lot about the world, especially the internet, feels much scarier now than it did 20 years ago, and shows like "Catfish" have shown how people can misrepresent themselves behind the anonymity provided by a computer or a smartphone.

While I joke that my husband and I met at a time when women feared they'd be abducted or murdered by a man they met online, I'd actually be more concerned about that happening today than I was back then. Maybe that's because I've listened to too many true-crime podcasts, but 2023 me would be a lot more nervous about online dating than 2003 me was.

If I end up single again, I won't online date

But more importantly, now that I'm older, I simply don't have the energy for swiping right, meeting for unfulfilling dates, and making small talk with people who are much less interesting in person. And, yes, I just had to Google which swipe direction is the "good" direction on Tinder. In my 40s, I've learned what I like and who I am as a person, and if I'm going to meet someone at a swanky bar for martinis à la "And Just Like That"-era Carrie Bradshaw, I'd rather that someone be one of my girlfriends.

In fact, my best friend and I joke with our husbands that if they die, we won't ever date again. We'll just buy a house together and live out our lives like Thelma and Louise, and we'll use our smartphones for posting pictures of all of the pet dogs they wouldn't let us have, not for online dating.